


Those Who Lost, and Those Who Gained

by WolfsHowl5678



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Corrin is Very Lonely and Very Sad, Gen, Most of the characters are only brief mentions, also this is set before/during birthright
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 12:58:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10742175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfsHowl5678/pseuds/WolfsHowl5678
Summary: Corrin reflects on everything that lead her to side with Hoshido, and wonders if it was really a surprise to why she picked it.





	Those Who Lost, and Those Who Gained

Spiders dance in the moonlit sky, spinning and swooping on the night winds that turn their silk sails into wings. 

 

She watches them quietly from her window, fingers absentmindedly drawing patterns on the stone as she presses the heel of her hand into her cheek. It had only been a day since Xander and the others had left, but still she could feel the lonely ache they left behind. They were really the only company she had, at least that she cared for. There weren’t any other children in the fort, so she was stuck with five or so servants and the guards.

 

The spiders danced on the breeze, glittering strands of web catching the breeze and floating out, away from the fort and towards a freedom only they could obtain. She watched them enviously, wishing she could fly away with them as well.

 

It was perhaps the first time she could remember wanting to escape, to burst from her window and fly away, as far away as it would allow, past the dreary courtyard and the stunted trees she could barely see when she snuck a peek at the open gate, towards the mountains of towering pine greens and dark grays, away away  _ away _ . 

 

She sighed, her small feet causing no noise as she padded away from her window, letting a small tear slide down her face for her lost spider friend, and for the freedoms that its children would enjoy.

 

~&~

 

When Camilla left, she found herself sitting on the cold rooftop, a small alcove only she knew about, hidden from sight by walls and over hangs that were placed just right for her to look out, but no one to look in. 

 

The visit had taken a week, much to short in her opinion, and she felt she had barely managed to spend any time with her sister before she had left again in a whirl of lilac colored curls and shouting voice. She had gotten a kiss on the forehead before she was gone, the doors slamming shut with a final sort of boom, leaving her standing alone once again. 

 

So now she sat, braving the cold with only her cloak and a loose shirt, watching the dust clouds settle from where Camilla had ridden out hours ago, thinking that if she just tried, believed hard enough, then maybe her sister would come back in all her wonderful glory, and take her away from this place. 

 

But it didn’t happen, so she pulled her legs in, pushed herself up and climbed back into the castle, hands and feet numb with cold and mind numb with loneliness.

 

~&~

 

She found herself laying in her old hidden spot in the stables, the loft warm with the smell of horses and hay, curled up in the uncomfortable scratchiness that reminded her of Silas, before he had left, just like her siblings always did. She curled up and cried, wondering if he was going to come back, if anyone would come back for her, or if she was destined to live her entire life in a dreary castle with only the few servants and the ever changing array of guards to keep her company. 

 

She stayed there, hidden from the rest of the castle, for days, until Jakob found her, dirty and tired and dying from hunger and thirst and brought her back, and all she could say to him was a single question.

 

“Are you going to leave me too?”

 

~&~

 

The incident was kept quiet, and eventually forgotten about, but she couldn’t quite shake the feeling of something missing, something leaving. 

 

It was made worse when Leo left. He had visited for a brief period, a short few days, just to help her study, and she had smiled and been happy, but now, now he too had left, disappeared out the door on some sort of urgent business, leaving her behind despite her pleads to take her with him.

 

She was  curled up on her favorite couch in the library, the tactics manual she was supposed to be studying beside her, left open to the page she had finally stopped on, her eyes laying unfocused on the adventure novel in front of her, one that Leo himself had recommended to her. 

 

It was filled with wonderful places and magic and movement, from town to town and city to city, something she had never been able to do. Her eyes had blurred out, but she refused to sleep, only ten years old and afraid she would wake up to find everyone gone. She was afraid of the nightmares that plagued her, the ones she kept secret in the dark of the night, waking up panting, believing she had been running, running through the empty castle halls, searching for people who weren’t there. 

 

She felt another tear slide down her cheek, landing on the paper with a quiet plop, blurring a word and making her close the book. The adventurer in the stories always had friends and family who loved them and took care of them, and she wondered why it hurt so much to think about. 

 

~&~

 

It felt so much worse when Elise had to leave than it had with the others, and she wondered why. 

 

She felt empty, laying on her bed, only a bit too small for her fifteen year old self, mind replaying the quick goodbye she had received from her younger sister before she had scooted out the door, off into the world wherever she was needed.  Perhaps she had expected her youngest sibling, with her carefree and lovely attitude, to stay longer than a week, to stay longer than the others always had. 

 

But she had left again after only a few days, claiming that Father had sent her a message and she had to leave immediately, with a quick hug and goodbye, she was out the door, like all the others. 

 

She loved her siblings, she loved them dearly, but she sometimes wondered if they ever realized how lonely it could get when she was all on her own.

 

~&~

 

When it came down to it, she wondered if it was any surprise she had picked Hoshido. The week or so she had spent in the castle, with her true siblings, was warmer and happier than anything she could remember from her childhood. 

 

Her birth siblings were warm and joyous, and despite the idea that they would give her space to process everything, they had never left her to her own devices for more than an hour. She slept in the same wing of the castle as them, in a bed just big enough for her, brought in especially for her. 

 

When she sat thinking in the garden,Sakura was there, helping take care of the gardens. She taught her how to plant different herbs and spices, which ones were poisonous and which ones were for healing, how to tell a flower from a weed.

 

When she went to the stables, Hinoka was there, and more than happy to introduce her pegasus, and even show off a few tricks. She had never ridden a pegasus before, and found the experience to be quite joyful. 

 

When she disappeared into the library, Ryouma found her, sitting happily on one of the couches, lost in a new book she hadn’t read before, and he asked if he could join her, sitting across from her with his own book, and together they sat with a companionable silence until the light began to dim and they were forced to retreat to their rooms for the night.

 

Even Takumi spent time with her, though he said it was ‘to keep an eye on her’, she enjoyed it nonetheless, wandering the castle grounds with him, asking about history and culture and things she had never been permitted to learn. He had been wary at first, but she kept pushing him, and eventually she was going on daily guided tours of parts of the castle, learning all the history behind each painting and tapestry that hung in the halls.

 

Her blood siblings never abandoned her for other duties, and when they came up, would always invite her along if they could, or put them off to spend more time with her. She found herself loving them like family in the short week that she had known them, and, despite not trusting them completely, she wondered if she trusted them more than her adopted siblings.

  
When she reflected on it later, laying on the floor, head laying in Ryouma’s lap with her feet on Takumi’s, Sakura’s head pillowed on her stomach and Hinoka playing with her hair, trusting her siblings and loving them, she wondered if it really was a surprise which side she picked.


End file.
